Graceless Under Pressure

Just Getting Warmed Up

2011-06-12T13:27:00.000-04:00

Life is in constant flux. The mantle is shifting and colliding beneath your feet, and if you misstep, you could lose a pinky toe. There will be times when you trick yourself into believing that you're in a groove or a rut (depending upon your perception of said channel), but you're not. You're in a giant Fun Jump, haphazardly bouncing from point to random point. The ease comes with the realization that you have no control over your trajectory. Oh sure, you can decide how to perceive actions and symbols, but.....goddamn why do I think so much!

So now, I'm single again, and totes going into metaphysical patterns of thinking. You know, all that duality shit. It calms me to think that we can't even fathom 99.9999999% of the shit that goes on out there (in here) in the universe. I mean, do you people even pay attention to the titles of the damn science articles anymore? Shit like: "Scientists Theorize That Universe Could Be Inside Black Hole That's Inside Another Universe That's Inside Jodie Foster's Labia Majora" or "Physicists Theorize That Parallel Universes Have Tastier Taco Bell Meal Deals." There's all kinda spaceman stuff going on out there. Shit, there's all kinda infinitely small shit going on right between you and this screen you're gaping at right now.

We are utterly clueless. We literally have no idea what is going on. None. And it's marvelous. Give in to the Chaos, and put on a helmet. That Fun Jump can be dangerous sometimes.

Artings.

2009-09-03T10:48:00.009-04:00

I usually don't like abstract art which is weird because I gravitate toward abstract thinking. I think if I actually did make my own art, it would be abstract as fuck. But when it comes to looking at other people's stuff, I usually have the strongest reaction to the plain and the simple and the realistic.

Gander Gabe Fernandez.

I dig it. Dig some more. It's easy on the eyes. You can make up your own stories. You can stare at it blankly. It just feels good.

This one is a favorite.

I have some great artist friends that everyone should check out, too. Click on dem leenks.

Docteur Dan Lerner

Grant Earl LaValley

SkeletonRoyal

Bottom line: You like what you like. I like what I like. Sometimes we like the sames. Sometimes we hate the sames. Girl stuff. Guy stuff. Guy stuff? I see your point.

2009-08-22T01:31:00.003-04:00

You gotta listen to librarians. They usually know what's goin' down. This net neutrality business is pretty important. If I wanted the internet to be censored and regulated, I would move to Syria.

I really think this particular time in my life is the most enlightened and most confusing period since my arrival. I alternate from complete calm to raging mind frenzy. It's almost letting me become more conscious of how important sleep and nutrition is to mental well-being. The less I sleep, the more frazzled I am. I'm not even sure why I'm typing this shit. Do I really want to share? And why the fuck does this shitty laptop keep erasing entire sentences? Why the hell do people blog anyway?

I like that guy up there.

Anyway, why does everyone want to share all the time? Prolly because the more you share the more people you can find that want to listen. Even boring ass people can find people to listen to them on the innernettes. Do you realize the amount of information available to you at any given moment? I do. I'm pretty much addicted to the influx of information. I've become the Queen of Skimming. I can learn about 17 different things in five minutes.

This guy is a total creep, but he has stuff to say. That's the thing, people. Just because you don't AGREE with someone or something doesn't mean that you can't learn something. There is ALWAYS something to learn. The more you accept that you don't know shit, the more you can accept new information. Modify your thinking and patterns. Our brains aren't hardwired. Rearrange 'em.

You're Not Crazy (just reality-challenged).

2009-03-30T09:28:00.005-04:00

Let's face it, everyone has issues. Your mom, your neighbor, that guy that stands in the intersection and washes your windshield with his spit. People are lonely, afraid, and overstimulated. People are sorrowful, confused, and muddled. People fear losing. On all levels. Losing the respect of their parents. Losing the love that's slipping away. Losing the bet they made with that sniveling shit Steve in the next cubicle.

In our culture, we tend to push, push, push these feelings through the cracks of the floorboards. It's mandatory that you be as spastically happy and stoked about life as you can every goddamn second. We don't sell products. We sell happiness. If you're not buyin', you're laggin' behind.

Well, guess what? Sad ain't bad. There's nothing wrong with feeling miserably, horribly, desperately pitiful sometimes. You probably are. Everyone is. Some more than others.

So, watch a sad movie. Listen to a sad song over and over and over and over. Look at yourself in the mirror and cry. Beat the shit out of your bed with a baseball bat. Stomp around the house whilst cussin' up a storm. Tell your dog how you really feel when he shits on the rug. Put on corpse-paint. While all of this is going on, observe yourself. Goddamn, you're insane.

Louisiana Saturday Night

2009-01-10T13:07:00.002-05:00

I forgot about this damn blog! So a bunch has changed since July. I'm back in Louisiana. I never in a million years thought that would happen. What can I say, I missed the family. And the warmth. And the THUNDERSTORMS! Thunderstorms and rain beat cold, dreary, snowy, shitty, windy, gray, shitty Columbus winters any damn day.

This place just feels like home.

I won't be staying here for any longer than a year. Planning grad school funtimes for the future. San Francisco is number one on the list. Europe is also being researched. I need to travel before the Mayan sun-gods destroy the galaxy.

Jam on it.

Ancient therapy of the future

2008-07-11T16:31:00.009-04:00

I'm stoked about this! A Really Long Strange Trip.

My dream is to be a Psychologist that works with the terminally ill and doses them with psychedelic drugs. For real.

I'm excited. The research is coming back. It's more controlled. It's more reliable and valid. Maybe people will pay attention. Maybe people will finally get it.

I began tossing around the idea of pursuing a career with psychedelic therapy a few years ago after trying mushrooms myself. It was the most spiritual experience I've ever had. The most connected I've ever felt with, well, everything. The remarkableness of it was that the feeling was still attainable weeks, even months later. I can still feel the little fingers of oneness and love tugging at my brain occasionally, and I haven't touched any for almost a year now.

I've read books about psychedelic research and therapy (which was shutdown after the drug clusterfuck of the late 60s). The research was starting to shake things up. Patients were overstepping thresholds in fractions of the time it would've take conventional psychotherapy. Addicts were regaining control of their lives, the terminally-ill were finding solace in death. People were finding pathways to more permanent change.

Now, we've become a culture dependent upon anti-depressents, anti-anxiety meds, cosmetic surgery, and the obsession to reach perfection. We want solutions. We want cures. We want it now.

It's time to reconnect with the ancients, you lovely bastards.

If you're interested in this stuff at all, check out Dr Rick Strassman's site. He did research with DMT in the 90s. And here's an interview with Dr Roland Griffiths.

Megahumans activate.

2008-07-10T11:04:00.003-04:00

Get your damn sea salt ready. It's time to get illuminated.

So, I'm going into hippy phase again. Peace, love, and whatnot. Don't be scared. This happens sporadically. Maybe good ole Datta ain't bullshittin'. Maybe Grace Light is comin' my way.

Check this shit out: Flat screen TVs blamed for accelerating global warming
So much for all the "Green" talk. I always wonder if people really think that corporations take any of this seriously. It's a fad, people. A marketing ploy. Lizard people don't have to worry about global warming. It's time to start taking it to the streets, guys. So many Doobie Brothers can't be wrong.

Speaking of taking it to the streets, what the fuck is wrong with this country? I'd all but forgotten that there's a war going on. We are some lazy, apathetic mofos. I guess none of the protesting gets any media time. But Paris Hilton's roast beef vagina sure does.

Oh, I forgot! Hippy phase! I love you. and them. and those people. and that tree. Look at all the patterns....

This never gets old.

Dattatreya Siva Baba

2008-07-02T16:23:00.006-04:00

Remember when I was talking smack on gurus earlier? Well, my mind changes faster than a Mormon's secret underwear (I know that's not fast at all, but I had to throw that in here again). I've been listening to Dattatreya for awhile. Me likey.

So, if you have the time, give this guy a listen. I dig his moxie. He's got tons of videos on youtube.

Remember, in the future there is no poverty or hunger. So sayeth Jean Luc Picard. And the Next Generation. Of love.

Idle Hands and Swollen Glands

2008-07-02T15:41:00.004-04:00

So, there's a lull at work. Oh god, speaking of foreign words for genitalia, there's this Danish guy that calls in and wants the girls to say "lul" which means "penis" and "nurking" which stands for "fucking."

NURKING! Imagine that conversation:

Hamlet: Oh yah, you like dis lul? I put it in your bum-bum? Yah?

Girl: Um, oh yeah. I would like to rub your lul all over my, um, bum-bum.

Hamlet: Oh yah, now we nurking together! Yah? Nurking! Nurking! You can say nurking, yah?

Girl: Um, nurking. Oh oh oh, nurking, ooh ah ooh oh ah. Nurking. Nurk. Ing.

Hamlet: Oh yah, my lul, it is exploooooode!

I'm not sure why I picture the Swedish Chef when thinking of a Danish guy, but I'm American, so all that shit is lumped together somewhere near Bjork.

Whoa, do you think the Swedish Chef is circumcised? It's probably fairly easy to snip off foam foreskin.

"Forgin smorgin OOOOOOORGAN!"

Calling All Caucasians

2008-07-02T11:51:00.005-04:00

So, I was perusing this website called boredatwork.com because I was bored at work (dot com), and I came across this wonderful site: Stuff White People Like

Shit is hysterical. Phia and I looked at it for hours and giggled our asses off. Buy the book. Impress your friends.

Oh, and don't forget about this classic: Black People Love Us

I love the interwebs. I can get on youtube while I'm at work, and in the course of an hour, watch videos about secret mormon underwear, police brutality, wacky car crashes, babies laughing, old people farting, conspiracy theorizing, and fat kids crying.

I can't really keep a single train of thought going in my head when I'm at work, so pardon my rambling. Or just deal with it.

Speaking of work, man, I don't know if I should start writing all the stories that come out of this place or allow you keep on feeling safe and secure when you're all snuggled up in your bed at night. I've never been shocked by anything anyone's said since starting here, but I'm sure at least a few of you aren't aware of the depravity that runs rampant in the streets. And houses. And work places. And parents' basements.

Now watch this innovative video.

Piddle Piss

2008-07-02T00:17:00.002-04:00

I've decided that I never want to leave my apartment again. I'm just going to survive on cat turds and transcendental meditation. I've heard that particular combination has effects that are similar to huffing scotch guard.

I have been so pissed lately. I can't even say pissed because that word connotes some kind of high energy transfer. It's more like amped-up apathy. I have no interest in the majority of places, things, or people in this city. I'm not buying that depression shit because I'm not piddly pissing in my pillow every night wondering what went wrong with my life. I'm just straight up bored. Like teenager bored. Like "what-the-hell-are-we-gonna-do-tonight-the-dairy-queen-is-closed-and-cletus-done-got-grounded-from-using-his-granny's-minivan" type bored.

I think it's a mere coincidence that my Dirty Thirty is just over a month away. (wow, this shit gets autosaved as you're typing. nifty!) I finally got a college degree, and now I want more. More college loans! Yay!

I tried all that kill-your-ego, love-everyone, peace-love stuff for a long time. In the end, it left me befuddled as fuck. Or maybe it helped me reconcile the fact that you can't expect everyone to live according to the same systems of belief, and yes, spirituality is a system of belief no matter how open-ended the so-called "gurus" claim it to be. Someone needs to find a way to better enmesh Eastern ideals into the Western clusterfuck. This new age Oprah shit ain't cutting it.

Ok, this isn't just gonna be some place where I moan and bitch all the time. Just mostly bitch. My life goes in five-year cycles. I was digging life on this planet we call the Party Barge, but now, it's time to get shit done. How do I get shit done, you ask? Well, I join the Pissy Party Brigade, and I get motivated to get the hell on out.

You heard?

I love this man.